Dangers of dating a separated woman

Anger is a normal and healthy phase for your separated man to go through. Your separated man could be angry at many things: Often, his anger will be directed towards his wife — not necessarily through long rants but through small jabs, backhanded remarks and seething sarcasm disguised as humour. How incredibly draining for you. Whatever the case may be, these kinds of circumstances are extremely stressful for him, which will inevitably ripple into your relationship together in some way s. What this means for you, however , is that you have a rebounder on your hands; a rebounder with some major inner work and big responsibilities in tow.

Without a doubt, child support payments are a huge responsibility and a source of emotional and financial stress for many men. Please, before you buy into his tale of woe, veer on the skeptical side. Child support payments are based on the cold hard numbers reported by both spouses in their tax returns. Numbers are numbers; they speak for themselves. Like it or not, he has financial responsibilities in taking care of his kids, period. He might feel he deserves more of a say, more control over how she spends the money, among other things.

Not very attractive down there, is he? Hardly sexy in a potential new partner either. Whether he was the perpetrator of infidelity or the victim, the tailwinds of cheating bring an ugly stench to the divorce process. That being said, if your separated man was unfaithful in his marriage, you need to proceed very slowly and spend extra time assessing his character, behavior, and moral code.

Two important warning signs to watch for are self-justification and blaming. Though his reasons for cheating were probably very valid and real to him, he and he alone decided to problem-solve his unhappiness by betraying his wife. Good lessons in how not to be. I really listen to how the ex is talked about. Yep, if it was all her fault, if he accepts no part in the failure of the marriage, time to run away fast.

There really is no time limit on getting over it; I dated someone who divorced in and still was angry about it. Some newly divorced had their marriages die a long time ago. I too worry about the end of my marriage and whether I am over it. Partially because of the circumstances; we never fell out of love, I had to leave to find work. Partially because my ex is a wonderful, intelligent, socially aware person and most men I have met since do not come even close to what he is. I am no longer physically attracted to him but I do miss the meaningful companionship. I realize I was really lucky with my ex husband and that maybe I ought to just give up.

Obviously we broke up for a reason, namely problems neither of us had the skills or maturity to resolve. He will never get closure, she, if truly a narc, is incapable of such. He needs to fish or cut bait, period. She was still a big part of his life — including, having a key to his home. Every time she called he jumped, and they still did family outings with the college age children — funny though, he declined her invite to reconcile.

A lot of them are just strange. Some of these guys will never get over their wife, girlfriend or whoever especially if the woman has dumped them. What can I say! I hope not for her sake but he still talks about his dead wife constantly and recently took this lady on a holiday to all the favourite places he went to with his wife. Your friend is going to get screwed, as she sounds like a true Florence.

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Has she always been co-dependent? The lady is more an acquaintance rather than a friend and I think from the way she behaves and warns all the other women off she is in love with this guy. From what I can gather she knew both of them before his wife died and maybe she has had a secret thing for him for quite some time and now the wife is no longer around its full steam ahead. She definitely has her own agenda here. Men will do what they want, when they want. My ex husband was living with a girl shortly after we split and he kept ringing me and coming around saying he still loved me and wanted to get back together.

I asked him if his girlfriend knew how he felt and he looked at me as if I was silly. I finally figured out that what he was doing with this other girl had nothing to do with how he felt about me. The poor girl was a stop-gap until he got me back and then everything would be great between us again. What was he thinking! It becomes a pattern in their life with issues never being resolved, just masked until reality hits at some point if it hits at all. It almost sounds like there is no conscience at all- the ones that use the bridge to overcome their sorrows.

Both myself and my husband have moved on however, due to the fact of being mistreated whilst married which resulted in me losing my self-esteem completely. My belief now is that, I will never meet anyone again. Is it because of the perception held about myself. I look forward to your response. My last ex husband was a highly sophisticated AC of the PA type. He knew better than to tell tales with red flags.

He had nothing bad to say about his ex wife and he loved his mother, two things which I viewed as positive. There was nothing further to add — ha! Seven years later, I was so fed up with him that I got up the nerve to compare notes with his ex and we had a lovely afternoon. It clarified a lot. It took me another three years to line up an escape route. I left my wedding ring on top of a note before I went out the door. Here is something that you might want to print write out and stick it up on your wall where you see it every day!

I was operating out of this sick premise. I guess I just needed to really, really learn this lesson. After this article, I am just wondering if I have picked another unavilable male because I am still so unavailable. I wish you all such blessings in walking this path that is so HARD and takes a lot of courage. You have been spying on me again Nat!!! The Object of My Affections has been blowing hot and cold. I know, I really do, that he is interested, but he pulls me close and then pushes me away again.

He has been divorced for many years and has minimal contact with EXW as kids all grown up. I just wanted to say after reading your post, this person is definitely an EUM. I just posted an update see earlier near my original posts. He broke up with me, I am just beyond devastated. I want him to want me— even after he heals, but there is no such guarantee…. I am a great woman- he does know that- I just feel like maybe I could never quite compare to how hr felt about her— and that is very tough to swallow given the emotional abuse she subjected him to during their relationship.

Some are comfortable in this environment, as its what they know. This guy has a boatload of problems, and is not over the ex.

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Get ‘Em While They’re Hot! 5 Reasons Men Love To Date Separated Women

There is no room for you in his life. Give yourself some time, and look for someone who is attracted to healthy. This man cannot provide it. I wish this article was penned a few months ago.. LOL because this article felt like it was meant for me to read. We dated for 4 months and shortly after started to show the signs which I thankfully recognized before I found myself in the FWB category. Its quite fresh and there are even days when I would like to call him but I think its best for me not to do this, he needs to figure this out on his own and I will not be anyones shrink he was a great friend but I want more.

Thanks NML all the best with the show!!!! I suppose because they are in shorter supply, and we older chix are in excess, they really feel no need to get their act together as some chick is always there desperate enough to take them as is. Seems to be a lot more allegedly available guys that have major emotional issues, financial issues, addiction issues. I find this really alarming as I am a very overedumacated sort and am not hanging out in crappy bars, hook up singles venues, anywhere remotely trashy and still encounter dudes rife with these problems including attachments to exes, using women as rebounds etc.

Methinks our society is headed in a very bad direction. I am finding men at my age 65 much nicer than when I was younger. I avoid the traditional types: We all need time to recover from disappointment and loss, but some men do not have the will or energy to build their own lives. The widower did fear he would be stuck there, was ready to clean out the house, remove his wedding band, etc.

He was Taking Steps. Or at least I did. It was the same with the ex. The wife, the kid, the this, the that…I was third on the totem pole, our needs as a couple came last. I made up my mind, through BR, that I was never going to devalue myself like that again. The creatives I meet seem sensitive, concerned, and readily accept that relationships start as friendships…with a click.

Maybe because creative roles require them to be imaginative, practical and in the moment? Noquay—yea, my target age group is 40ss. I do think available men get taken off the market quickly because there are more women around. I tend not to focus on that too much, because all it takes is one good guy, right? Swissmiss It probably has a lot to do with the part of the country I now reside in.

Although I am educated in the sciences, I am also very humanitarian and creative. It seems as though these dudes just want to watch life on TV rather than living it daily. I miss the exchange of ideas, the in depth looking at issues; most of my colleagues just want to talk shop. At least you give me some shred of hope that maybe in my 60s, when I retire, I will be able to leave this area, though I will miss mountains and mountain lions, and be able to travel a bit beyond my home base up north and find such men.

Is it an Anglo culture thing or a post-industrial thing? Love what you wrote. I think that because men think with their private bits — we will have to renew and make major societal rules similar to what was going on in the s in the USA — in part, family ties, dating, monogamy, and no sex before marriage. Divorce was not the norm it was disgraceful. So many women suffered depressions, shock treatments and were committed by their husbands into asylums.

Unless we women change and enforce new social rules including freedom of sexual preference.. Feels so un-natural for me to not be having sex on a regular basis. Angelface I wholeheartedly agree. I think women set the parameters on sex because we historically have had so much more at stake. We still do, but it got lost in the confusion of new found freedoms e. I wish the pendulum would swing to the middle already. Noquay, I always empathize with your posts because you and I are in exactly the same boat.

I was brought up in a world-class city and have always been torn between my need for the vibrant, cultured urban world and my deep love of nature. Very, very hard to find someplace that blends the two. The men I work with here are very interesting, educated, rather progressive and broad-minded people with many interests. Like me, they are all from other places, which is very typical in this field, and as transplants we have a lot in common. They are my equals — and unfortunately all are already married.

The only single men here are the locals. Because of its beauty, this area is also a prime spot for retirees and artists which did seem promising at first — but almost all of them come here as well-off couples who are enjoying a comfortable retirement with their hobbies and grandchildren.

I have yet to meet one suitable man who has retired here as a single person. I am not going to find a partner if I stay here. Not quite sure what to do about this truth. Wiser—I live in a place like you describe Cape Cod actually. I know a handful of singles who have all dated the same pool of online men and now will only date strictly off Cape. There are things here that meet many of my needs, but the man thing is pffft. Unfortunately Swissmiss, I am a very high activity, outdoor oriented person and despite my yearning for things cultural and intellectual, do not do well in any sort of urban and suburban environments.

Lived in both and came close to killing myself. Lots of older, fit men come here for the races but find the poverty and trashiness of this town a turn off.

Dating a local and the horrid, humiliating situation with the at work AC has convinced me to avoid locals like a disease. I do a lot to try and help, even fix this community, but it is a matter of working very hard and getting very little in return which I guess is to be expected. I made a very wrong choice on where to live although I also realize that at the time, this seemed a really good choice, that I have a great job, most of my colleagues are awesome, and the financial analysis of my situation has shown that sticking it out so I can retire early while I am still vital and healthy makes the most sense.

I own my own homes, pay my own way in all things, and am very careful to protect my assets because of this very issue. Tis really cool to read the perspective of another older women and at least know I am not alone. Wiser, add mountains and Id swear your friend lived in my town. Yep, teeth are scarce and hygiene can be iffy or is that whiffy. I was raised to be wannabe white, wannabe middle class by my uneducated parents and bailed to the woods at 17 and worked my way through college as I was NEVER going to be sucked into wither wannabe or redneck values ever again.

Sadly, my home community, where I lived with my ex is more rural try people than here but also had a small educated, progressive community. I guess it is much harder to live in these areas when completely alone than partnered. Hi Wiser, If you are considering the giographical solution be sure to factor in all the effects of global warming in any area you might choose to live.

Best to pick a place where you can earn your way, be safe, and find a mate. Does that place exist? Best wishes to you. Where you reside is definately a factor. I am not making excuses, but the X was the most exciting thing that happened to me there. For him, too, although he liked that atmosphere.

Gosh, it was dull. I have since moved to a major metropolis. Lots of stimulation and choices. One man gave me a huge hug on the first date. Forty years ago he would have hit the road. Maybe that makes a difference? I think the article overly presumptuous and unfair. I think it will be finalized next month. My ex has been purposely dragging his feet and our case is complicated due to the assets we own and the state of the economy which makes it difficult for us to liquidate them. I am a self-confessed Virtual, and have been a Fallback Girl for an online guy who lives km away! I asked to meet up with him in-person, but he was too afraid because he claims we would eventually resent one another over the distance — it could never work.

I stopped e-mailing him. I just want to stop, and move on, for good. It is a terrible feeling of being used and abused and they rarely, if ever, apologize or even see their maltreatment. I used to have a hard and fast rule of no divorced or separated men until I hit I realized I was going to have to relax my rule if I ever wanted to see daylight or nighttime with a man again.

My first and critical mistake was allowing him to even sniff the steam off my pee never mind that I focused on the 2 years separated, him living in his own apartment for 2 years. There had been no emotional airbag in between so guess what I was? The buffer, the bridge, the doormat. Painful lesson and one I will never do again. The man is a Narc so his separation status is not the only issue at the fore and ironically, due to his selfish, self-serving treatment of me, I got out in a relatively short amount of time. In that respect, it was a win for me but a brutal victory.

His selfishness was off the charts in every respect. She seemed normal to me and she is. Hell, she worked and paid for everything while he mooched off of her. He feels entitled to it too. Did he ever give her any thought about what he was contributing and how to make her happy? Of course, he took zero responsibility no matter how many times 3 that I know of for sure I tried to ask him what he did or did not do to contribute to their divorce.

He left her with a 10 month year old child validated in obsequious ways to seek out his narcissistic supply on his website. No, his ex-wife I can only imagine is a co-dependent. It still steams me he cannot accept, own, apologize or make amends to me or anyone else for that matter. I know better and I know what any woman who snags into him will get. Hope they enjoy the one-sided narcissistic relationshit he can provide and nothing more.

Children do make it more complicated. Yet another aspect he was totally insensitive about. I wanted to wait and make sure we were solid before becoming involved. I thought that was healthy and mature. He is a user, an operator, an opportunist, a liar, a hypocrite, and a stand up right bastard. He is an entitled little Napoleon with a shrimp dick and a false self to protect his fragile wittle ego.

All I was to him was a warm body, an ear to listen to his grievances and his own aggrandizement. Being used and abused is the worst feeling, especially if the abuser is incapable of realizing the errors of their ways. He may appear willing and eager — wonder why? I learned a lot of lessons but I think we sometimes tell ourselves this positive takeaway to explain or validate our experience s.

Sometimes we just get unlucky and sometimes we get lucky. We try to make sense of it but I think we do the best with what is offered. The reason I say this is the separated Narcs brother met his now wife when he was newly separated. So you see, it does happen. It happened right in front of me while I dated the brother who was the typical EUM we write about here.

Some of us by hook or crook find ourselves with assclowns, while others who are far more ignorant land up with the princes we all hope for in the end.


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The things these men will tell themselves in order to sleep at night is astonishing. They will do mental calisthenics to avoid any shred of personal responsibility. But this horse manure of: Sadly, men have become so selfish and driven by their own agendas and desires, we are trampled on in their wake.

Not sure why we bother? Optimism in the face of reality where men are continually satisfied by online porn that satisfies only their needs by the way and creates a disparaging standard for regular women to aspire to, online dating and texting crap where every woman is merely an object or a function, but real care, compassion and devotion is too much to bother with. Desperate women will accept the unacceptable, the intolerable and the nere do wells in the hopes of rescuing, saving and fixing these boys into men keep doing ourselves and society a disservice.

The damage is lasting if not permanent. People tell me to be open and optimistic. Every single time I paid dearly. This from a grown ass man who pretends to be stupid when it suits but prides himself on being so smart otherwise. I have to agree with you…. I recently had a date with guy, who currently divorcing his wife…he told me on the first and only date, that his wife decided to divorce him after being with him for 20 years and 4 kids together, the yongest one only 4 years old! Do I want this man, of course NOT, he definitely not ready to meet anyone, 5 months of separation is not enough!

I recognise the hurt and anger in your post and I totally relate. I was sooooo desperate that I ignored the many huge red flags. Yes I know how stupid I was. It was only 6 weeks and I hardly saw him in the last weeks but I was hopelessly hooked. So clingy and in need of love and affection. The damage is proving to be long lasting in my case, too. I only attract assclowns anyway. I do not understand why separated men think they are single it is mind boggling. I have a friend who is five years separated with no divorce in sight despite what he says. When my ex-husband and I separated we each met someone else within a couple of months.

I was definitely done with my marriage and thought of myself as single. I eventually bought a house with the man I met and my exH is still married to and has a child with the woman he met back then. FX, your situation is unusual and pretty much the exception to the rule. The odds of someone getting involved with a newly divorced person and have this result are pretty low. That said, there are other factors to look out for before ruling someone out. We were all young.

I think I was EU which is why I wanted out of my marriage and then left the other nice man with whom I owned the house. I was probably truly single for the first extended time in my life and still EU, many years later when I met the AC who brought me to BR. From what my child tells me, her father and step-mother do not have an especially happy marriage. No AC stuff nor related to being divorced. Just the odds of life…. I will say that I think something my mother told me when I was younger is often true.

I have changed so much, though, that, perhaps, I would enjoy it and do a better job now. I also used to meet many more appealing men than I do now so it may be a moot point! Every single man who I have ever known in my entire life always said they wanted someone like me, but they never pursued women like me.

This is why getting pregnant the oldest trick in the book is what so many women have resorted to. This is why, if I were ever o not be married again, I would never ever in a million years date any man from my ethnic group the men I have been talking about. But I suspect that all men are the same. This article is amazing.

When we met he told me he was separated for a few months. Then I found out it was actually just weeks before she left and I and him met. Now he has only one month till he leaves to his own country, and suddenly he announces me out of the blue that his ex is coming. He told me that and implied that we will not see each other during that time.

NOt even for one night! This is the same guy who told me a few days ago he would want to have kids with me. Donno what to do next…. Dear Kate, if he is separated from his wife, why does she have her things in his flat, and why will it take her 10 days to retrieve them? This mess with men was never only a personal issue. It has always been societal as well. Unless a man makes a conscious choice to be aware of the messages in out culture, see how they are wrong,transcend them and evolve this is what we are stuck with. I dated two back to back married men. The first one ripped my heart out almost beyond repair and hoom here comes number two.

It was fascinating that I needed to replay the tape once again. The second one was used to heal from the first sick I know. Both ended in a disaster. First one goes back, second one gets a divorce after I leave him , never tells me and now is screwing someone new. The someone new will most definately be the fbg but it still burns the same. I needed to learn this lesson twice and this time I did.

Funny but all the stories relate to my ex AC and guess what?? Their only role models were their older colleagues, who treated women like crap and were heavy drinkers. Industry closes in the 80s, taking most supporting businesses with it including ranching, the railroad, etc. Those that as t this point are in their 40s or older, with zero education, their only job skills in an industry that no longer exists, addicted to alcohol, maybe drugs are stuck. Anywhere else they go in the region is going to be too expensive with the growth of the rich people ski hills nearby or the wealthy couple enclaves in the former ranching towns to the south.

Drink and drug more. There is a large Hispanic community trapped in trailer parks, working slave labor jobs at the resorts downhill, then there is the yearly influx of us overedumacated racers, and us academics who still live in the town and try to improve things as we find stuff like domestic violence, falling apart housing, dead cars, hard core druggies, and mine waste a bit of a turnoff.

We are also the folks that can contribute the most to needed charities, do most of the volunteer work, fix up our homes, clean up or restore our land. The old guard, which is also my local dating pool resentsus uppity women bbecause we avoid them and we also, being both educated and gainfully employed out earn them by a considerable margin. In some ways, I feel sorry for these dudes, in some ways I zero pity for them. Instead they chosedrink, drugs, cheap sex we actually had many prostitutes here , and the ski bum life instead. I had to leave a marriage andmy real home so I could be responsibly employed, pay my bills, provide for my own health care, save for retirement.

I agree with Lisa. This article does seem unfair and one-dimensional. Divorce IS complicated and getting involved with a divorcee will add some difficult and challenging aspects to a relationship. Every person is different. The longer you keep treading in those waters the more pain and loss of confidence in yourself, your own judgement, on the flipside… trust me, just under two years but I still feel pangs of sadness and remorse from time to time being reminded of him, which usually sends me into a low self esteem hangover and then here to Baggage Reclaim for comfort and consoling.

Thanks for all the kind words! Hon, there is nothing to walk away from. This man is married and neglected to tell you the truth.

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He is a liar and user. I can be certain that the wife does not know of his relationship with you, as he is still with her. Block and go NC immediately, or you will certainly be screwing yourself, and feel even lower, some months down the line! So sorry this happened. With widowers you can never get them to see past the dead wife who takes on sainthood status so they are a no go for me.

My personal feelings are that men who end up single after many years have a rooster in the hen house mentality and like to bed as many women as possible to find what they want and ease their pain. They then screw themselves up and sadly others in the process.

More fool those women who are willing to have such casual sex. For myself it is a case of trust. I was deceived and cheated on. The cheating that I knew about was for the last 2. I am 3 years single in the jungle, 2 years divorced and the thought of a relationship now actually terrifies me thanks to the AC I have met along the way. If people are together a long time and one becomes ill that is different but taking on someone who is ill is not something I am willing to do. Be happy, because he could have been doing the same. MRWriter I agree with much of what you say. Lots of folks looked askance at our 28 year age difference but we did well.

When I tried to date after we broke up, it was a completely different and very ugly world. I will no longer date men my age anymore. The AC was my age; lesson learned plus so many guys my age have small children and my parenting days are over. Men like my best friend, in his 70s, hold doors open for me, bring in firewood without being asked, help me on with my coat when we leave a restaurant.

Try getting a 50 or younger to do those things. The AC was 10 years younger and had absolutely beautiful manners. Unfortunately, he set the bar high in that regard but also lied as easily as he breathed. I also expect to feel taken care of by a man in other ways, and, without that, my desire would not be piqued regardless of any other qualities. I think just like there are no hard and fast rules for how long it takes for someone to become emotionally available after the end of a relationship, there are also no age requirements for behaving like a gentleman. Unfortunately, there are people of all ages — male and female — seem to have been raised by wolves no matter where you are!

I have literally zero time, patience or libido to deal with bs! At 47 and living in the deep south as a democrat, arty, vegan it is getting really hard to feel like I am going to meet anyone. I feel so unattracted to most of the guys I meet my age because so many of them are arrogantly dealing with their post-divorce issues…or they are 70 pounds overweight with no hobbies. I wish that I just did not care at all to date but there is a part of me that is still getting out there. Hopefully I can keep hope alive: They probably look at you as a Martian, as traditional as they are down there.

Wish we were allowed to engage in how you detected that. Your comments and questions are always so direct. Brooklyn is where I grew up until 12yrs old when my parents built a home in NJ.

Danger Signs: Dating A Separated or Newly-Divorced Man

Oh, I grew up in Bed-Stuy. It was bad then which is why my parents got us out of there. I def attribute a lot of my personality to having grown up in a place where there were The Bloods and The Crips, and really bad kids at school. You had to know how to fight or you were a sitting duck. I was never bullied, though. How bout deal with your stuff… get yourself back and then begin something new. Its like being unemployed and trying to date…. U have a choice. Choose to be the best you possible. Why are you in a rush to be with someone else with this huge thing going on?

But you are assuming everyone who gets divorced is traumatized bc of and during. Some of us became mentally divorced from the spouse years earlier. For us, the only issue is the hassle of waiting for and paying for the legal proceedings. And there are plenty of never-married people and people who have been divorced for decades who are jerks. Lisa My husband has only just moved out, but we were separated under the same roof for two years. I am really far too busy to date, and very nervous about it too, but I feel that I have processed the failure of my marriage and a proper relationship would be possible for me.

I can see that some men would view my situation as very off putting, as my husband lives close by and we will continue to have a lot of contact because of our children who are still young. But that is the way it is and best for them. It is my observation, though, that generally speaking men find it harder to let go after divorce. My son is 19 and is an old fashioned gentleman, treats his lovely girlfriend well, knows he wants a good relationship, marriage and children, puts in effort and expects it back, thinks porn cheapens and interferes in relationships and that online dating is a load of rubbish.

So, ladies, have faith in the future generations. As far as now is concerned, in a face of what you quite accurately describe as an attitude of a vast number of leftover pool we meet, I think gotta keep going forward with a firm idea of what we want in a man and a relationship. Grace is right, belief is vital. How true it came for me. Everything else is trying to control the uncontrollable. Sushi Congratulations on bringing up your son so well. I fear I am not doing so well with mine.

Who knows what my future holds but I remain hopeful that it may include a loving relationship with a man. Call me an idiot but I still feel that is possible. Dancingqueen I too yearn for meaningful companionship, probably because having had zero functional family, practically from the get go and being in a place where my only friends are folks I work with and cannot really confide in, except for animal herd, I am horribly alone. I have to travel miles one way to be with a man who is educated, well read, responsible, and takes care of himself.

Also, this could impact the outcome of the divorce. Now, another reason I went along with this, as I have quite a friends tell met go for it, as they themselves and their friends had no qualms about dating while separated and in fact, one of them even wound up marrying the new person they were dating. But then I grew a conscious and went with my gut about how her husband would not be okay with her dating I asked that we take a break.

She wasn't too happy,k in fact it hurt her feelings as she was really into me I asked that we wait until she's divorced in 2 months I think I did it because also, I know some men would probably snatch her up and not give a wink about her divorce status, too. And quite a few of my friends told me themselves that they never waited for the divorce when they started to get back in the saddle. Do you take it on a case-by-case basis? I'm afriad her soon-to-be ex may drag his heels.

Some spouses tend to deliberately drag things out. The weird thing is, they have a kid together, but want to use NO lawyers, just do some thing on Legal Zoom. Also, it seems even NON-religious people would not be okay with it either. Edited on November 30, at Delete Report Edit Lock Reported. Respond Your response must be between 3 and characters. Kingslayer Send a private message. Too many red flags. If she was open and honest about it with her husband and didn't want to hide things, I personally wouldn't be as concerned with something like that.

In addition, her reply to you about "you'll pull this again" was kinda bitchy given your rationale was preferring to wait until her divorce is finalized. If she can't deal with that, launch. Delete Report Edit Reported Reply. I know what you mean. She said several months ago before meeting me , that she did try to have the "seeing other people" conversation with him, but Of course, that was the brunt of their marriage every time they would try to have a mature discussion He's very childish like that.

He doesn't like conversations regarding unpleasant topics, even though it requires discussing. So there goes trying to talk about it with him. As far as her thinking I me "might do it again", we discussed that I think she feels that I may come up with another reason other than the divorce , to dump her How often he'll be in the picture, and such.

Otherwise, I see no other reason, but when we talked further, it seems the reason in her mind is that since I thought I was to so able to call things off, that my feelings weren't at the same levels as her feelings about me us. Which is a true statement. And thus, she feels that if we get together again AFTER her divorce, I may not be at the same level emotionally as the relationship progresses. You see, lately, I've been trying to take things slow with women as I think I fell into the whole "relationship burn out" One person gets burnt out on the other as you're spending time with each other multiple times a week, sometimes daily.

Now that I'm taking the "taking things slow" approach, it has attracted women, and obviously, it attracted her as she wanted to start off as friends first She wants you to agree to her terms about hiding the relationship from her husband.. To me, if things were truly as she had stated--that he initiated the divorce--it wouldn't make sense that he would care if she is seeing someone.

It doesn't make sense yes, in that regards. BUT, legally, if he finds out, he'll probably run her through the wringer in the divorce, demand full custody, more money or get out of having to pay alimony, etc.

Basically, it can impact the outcome of the divorce and it would NOT be in her favor, legally, if he were to find out. Well then, seems like staying away until after the divorce is finalized is the most prudent thing to do, don't you think? Suppose you continue this and he finds out anyway. You'll be dealing with all that BS. Americanguy1 Send a private message. In a way I dont blame him. It's hard to see and realize your family is gone and you child will be beside random men, but I guess life goes on.

But if she is making as much money as you said in your reply to me, there won't be any alimony.

He can demand full custody regardless of who she is or isn't seeing. What money would he be demanding if they both have lucrative jobs? Very few men ever get that, never mind full custody, unless the mother is human garbage. You seem to want to justify your own behavior, and want us to accept the premise that she is telling the truth, but one thing you should be thinking about here is that what is happening now could very well be you in the future.

Wow very one sided from her Why would you believe anything that this woman said? And why with all of the single women out there would you want to date one with kids who is still legally married? Is it because you were flattered that she pursued you? Are you so anxious to jump into a relationship that you would chance one with someone who could simply be looking for someone to take care of her and her kid s financially?

You assume too much about her financial status. Both her and her soon-to-be ex are doing well financially as they both have rather lucrative paying careers. The father lives within a few miles, so he'll be around to take care of his child. No, I'd say that you are the one that's making a lot of assumptions. You keep telling us that he can't communicate, that he walks out of the room, etc, but how would you know this unless you witnessed it? You are assuming she isn't lying to you. If they both have lucrative jobs, they would want a lawyer to protect their financial interests.

But you tell us they are cooperating yes? Have you seen the paperwork? How do you know that there is even a divorce in the works? For all you know she took off and got her own place.